Thoughts, Three and a Half Months In

Well, I'm starting this blog post a little frustrated because the [bleeping] internet isn't working. Arrgh. So, perhaps I should explain that internet is stupid expensive, and we can catch university wifi from our flat, so as long as you're sitting in the exact right spot in the dormer right next to the winnow. But even then it's ridiculously flaky so perhaps you have a full wifi signal but there's simply no internet on the other end. AARRGH. I looked up DSL prices today and was once again flabbergasted that I simply cannot figure out what the heck I'm looking at. In America there's one flat fee. Pick a speed, pay the price, maybe with an installation fee. But here there's local data, long-distance data (WTF?? Seriously??) both of which cost a different price, there's data caps meaning that internet is not a flat-fee but instead paid for by the GB. Then there's the monthly phone line rental fee since it's DSL, and then you have to get phone service which includes it's own installation fee. Then you have to figure out which installation fee applies from a long list of 15 different installation options: residential (new line), residential (already available), business, party-line (what is that??), and oh my goodness the list goes on. I want a flat answer, goshdangit. One fee. And I want my frikkin' internet!!!! ….

Now that my internet rant is over, let me see if I can calm down enough to write. 

It's hard to say exactly how I feel about living here after close to three and a half months. There are times when I love it, and times--mostly at night when I'm tired and feeling very done with the day--when I just want to go home. (Home is Albuquerque.) 

The first week or so was definitely the honeymoon period. Still being rocked by the time change, everything was glittery, new, and a little daunting, too. I had no idea what to think or how to envision life in Stellenbosch. Every few days our world expanded a little bit more as we explored a little further out of the 3-, then 4-, then 5-square-block radius that contained our lives.

February was easily my worst month here. I felt extremely isolated and lonely. I don't think I've ever felt so isolated in my life. Coming from a place where our lives were full of the people we loved, suddenly pulling ourselves out from there was shocking to say the least. Without friends to talk to, without being fully connected with family, and being surrounded by a completely different culture and a completely different English, I felt so alone. I often reminded Dan that he was literally the only adult that I might talk to for a week straight. This is when hanging out with my friend Sandrine on Wednesday mornings with the boys was--and is--vitally important. She knew exactly what I was going through and provided much-needed respite. (As a side note, it's bizarre thinking about how desolate I felt--and it was only two months ago.) 

What I realized most during the month of February is that I see myself as a strong person--and I still believe that I am indeed a strong person--but because of that perspective when thinking about this move before we actually moved I expected to be very bold and easily adaptable. But on the other side I felt small and weak. I felt so brave when I told friends and other well-wishers, "We're headed off on an adventure!" with zeal. And suddenly I'm in this new place, alone and not feeling nearly as brave as I did before our move. And yet, I suppose it's all part of the process.

It also broke my heart when Auggie would tell me how much he wanted to get back on an airplane and go to our house in Albuquerque. Explaining to a 3-year-old why that won't be happening is not easy. And heartbreaking. While Eland is young enough to adapt without much fanfare, Auggie misses his friends in a significant way and still talks about them on a regular basis. Auggie would also act out a bit and it took talking and asking questions to figure out that getting to the bottom of all that energy and difficulty was him wanting to go home.

March was better. We joined one of the small groups at our church, and it seems like God is continuing to give us exactly what we need when we need it. Our small group is filled with a fantastic bunch of people and even some friends for Auggie and Eland. Our group is small--just four or five other adults--but it's perfect for really getting to know each other and being able to encourage each other. Wednesday evenings are now a highlight of the week. And something strange happened in March: things became familiar. Walking home from campus, walking home from the drug store, walking home from the grocery store. Gradually we knew what to expect from the streets, and even curves of the trees and the way the sunlight lit the sidewalk seemed normal. I can't tell you how comforting it is for "normal" to make a reappearance. Knowing which aisle to go to for old fashioned oats in the grocery store is a wonderful, comforting thing. 

We were also blessed big-time by having friends let us borrow their cars so that we could get away a few different times. We've headed out to Montagu for camping and climbing twice now, we've spent plenty of days at the beach, and this past weekend we travelled the farthest the boys and I have ever been from Stellenbosch to visit Dan's good friends in the Karoo. LOVED IT. :) Dan totally called it - there's something about going away that makes home feel like a home, because it's the place that you get to come home to. 

All that said, life is going alright. We still haven't sold--or even rented--our house yet. I'd love everyone's prayers that we'd have some resolution in that department ASAP. It's stressful, but we are doing our best to not worry and instead stay faithful in believing that God is the reason why we are here and thus He will take care of all things house. We are making new friends, but we miss our old friends. I am able to talk to my parents more often which is such a wonderful thing. I miss my family a ton (this includes everyone, btw, T-family and L-family), but they are so supportive and I know that we can always pick up where we left off. And winter is coming. Have I mentioned that no one has heat in South Africa? Some people have wood-burning stoves, but there is no real heat. It rarely, rarely gets below freezing, but I am learning that it doesn't have to get all that cool outside for it to be very cold inside. We have an electric blanket and the boys now wear long-underwear to bed. Still, we'll survive. 

I'm doing my best to live in the now, rather than wishing our time here away so that we can finally move back home. Besides the fact that we have no idea where that home will be when we do move back, our perspectives will surely change over the next several years, and to wish away years also means to miss out on my boys' lives while they are little and that would be a true tragedy. … So whether enjoying the beauty of the mountains while on a bike ride, working with Auggie on his memory verses, or just being thrilled that I'm on the internet for once, I'm doing my best to be present. 

And it's still an adventure. Heck, this is an awesome adventure and while I'm here I want to take advantage of living in a place that is unbelievably spectacular and has amazing things at hand. 

I think I'm feeling strong again. 

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It wouldn't be fair to post without pictures. :)

Dan at Silvermine in the Cape Peninsula scouting out some good climbing routes. That's Table Mountain in the background and Cape Town down below.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post this, but I will anyway. Dan's been making some wicked-awesome breakfasts delights like these delicious little things. Mmm-mmm-good.

My boys!

Auggie is still making some fantastic Duplo airplanes. I'm trying to capture all of them. This one is a "radio-controlled job". The name is likely from The Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers book. ;)

Eland getting in on the Duplo action. Here's a train.

Eland: wearing Dada's hat and Mama's new slippers. Yes, it does feel like I'm wearing poodles on my feet when I have them on, but they were the only ones in my size. 

Auggie and Eland had a blast visiting our friends in the Karoo this weekend. (Hopefully I'll write an actual post on that soon.) He loved this farm cat and tried his hardest to carry it around whenever possible. Auggie calls it the "Cat with the Tiger-Stripes!" I fell in love with Fila, the Jack Russel puppy. Oh my goodness... :)

Not zoomed in enough, I know. We visited Blikkies (second from right) and Ronel (center) this weekend along with two of their three sons, Jannes (pronounced Yan-es, in between his parents), and Juan (pronounced John) on the right. Visiting them was like spending the weekend with family. It was right on time and so needed. We love them dearly and can't wait to go back. 

This is just to show you how differences in culture and wording penetrate every part of life. In America this would be "head-to-toe" not "top-to-toe".. Food for thought, that's all.