Dan put Auggie to bed tonight–a complete surprise to me–but very much appreciated! It was the first time ever. Auggie had no idea what was going on, but did calm down and let Dan sing to him, and even calmed down and got settled in bed. He woke and cried for 10 minutes when Dan finally left the room, but... what can you do? I think it's a wonderful thing that I am no longer the only one capable of putting Auggie all the way to bed. (Dan often gets Auggie pajama-ed, read, and calm, and then I would come in for the singing/nursing part.)
Some reflections since my last post:
- I don't think there should be such a black-and-white distinction between being a cry-it-out parent and a non cry-it-out parent. It seems to me that most people try all kinds of different parenting strategies that encompass both sides of the spectrum. Everything depends on mood, time, health, tiredness, history, instinct, and so much more. I guess we're letting Auggie cry a little more, so I guess in black and white terms that would make me a cry it out parent, but I don't feel that way.
- Something I just emailed a good friend.. One thing that could solve the problem of raising kids with no experience (the case of all parents the first time around) is to let the grandparents raise the kids. (At least I'd let Dan's parents and my parent's raise Auggie. I know they'd both do a wonderful job.) They already know what they're doing, and have been through it all before. They're more patient this time around and frankly they just love their grandkids so much. The major problem with this recommendation is that us parents would then never learn and thus never be able to raise our grandkids. Catch 22, eh?
- That same good friend reminded me of something that I vehemently believe: You can't over spoil a child at this stage of life, and a secure attachment is of the utmost importance. Granted, in certain situations Auggie is capable of being spoiled now that he is nearly 15 months old: being coddled with every little fall, given everything he wants without asking please, etc etc.. But, in the case of loving and adoring your kid, and making them feel safe and secure in that love, you truly can't over do it. It would break my heart to find out that I ever sacrificed that secure love for a better night's sleep..
- All I can say, and hopefully all anyone can say, is that I am truly doing my best.
Big thanks to all who commented on my last post, publicly or privately. Much appreciated! I love having caring, loving friends and family who are so willing to support and encourage me.
The adventure continues...!
2 comments:
Val, you've built tremendous trust. You've been extremely patient getting up a couple of times during the night. Great mothering and loving!
Because we all are human, no matter how much trust is there, no matter how much love, each little human being will have some things that they don't like -- whether that is bedtime (missing out on all the fun) or not getting something they want, etc. As Auggie approaches 2, I guess he'll be learning that he can't do or get everything he wants. If it makes him upset, well, what can you do? We all adjust to that -- some personalities more easily than others.
As much as I wanted to protect you kids from harm (and I tried hard) or unhappiness, sometimes it was out of my control. I wish I learned that early on. (laugh!)
ITA about the cry-it-out thing. To me, hard core cry-it-outers are the parents that let their kid scream for an hour, making him/herself sick, hysterical, and other bad things. I don't think letting your kid work it out for 10 minutes is necessarily CIO, OR a bad thing. But, I'm not a parent, so, what do I know? :)
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