The Enigma of Sleep

e⋅nig⋅ma [uh-nig-muh]

–noun; a puzzling or inexplicable occurrence or situation

...

And so is our sleep experience with Auggie. Thoroughly puzzling. Inexplicable. Just can't figure it out.

Bedtime Routine:

• 7pm: Go upstairs
• Turn on soft light in Auggie's bedroom, not overhead light
• Change diaper
• Moisturize Auggie's legs (in hopes that the lotion scent is associated with bedtime)
  
• Put on pajamas
• Read 4-5 books
• Give vitamins, or as we're doing right now, Motrin for teething
• Turn off the light
• Nurse while singing 3-4 songs
• Put Auggie in bed while still awake but calm and sleepy
• Shhhhhh for a little while with hand on back
• Often Auggie will startle, stand up, and ask to be picked up; I'll hug him for a few seconds and settle him back in his crib
  
• Repeat above step as necessary
  
• Sneak out of room if possible
• Rarely must leave and let Auggie cry for awhile because he won't go down

Middle of the night routine:

• Auggie wakes crying sometime between 1:30am and 4:30am
  
• If he doesn't sound desperate then I'll leave him and let him work it out
• After a night of leaving him, the next night he'll shriek bloody murder until I come get him; after which we:
• Nurse and rock (because I've given up - it's just the fastest way to get him back to sleep, and thus the fastest way to get me back to sleep)
• Resettle Auggie in his crib
• I used to be able to walk out at this point and he would be fine, but post-holiday travels he'll immediately wake up and cry
• Now I have to wait nearby and sneak out
• Occasionally he'll wake up and cry back to sleep in 5 minutes or so

If Auggie wakes up a second time:

• At this point I'm pretty done, so I'll let him cry and he'll usually fall sleep within 5 minutes
• If it's like this morning, where he woke at 5:40am, a second time after his 1:30am waking, and he doesn't stop crying or indicate at all that he'll go back to sleep, I will:
• Get up and hold him for awhile and then put him back in his crib
• Then the required stand-up-and-hug session happens twice or so
• Last, I sneak out of his room, and let him cry again if he re-wakes once I'm out

Morning wake-up

• Auggie pleasantly talks to himself in bed and plays for a half-hour or so until I come get him
• He's really quite happy in the morning
  

Discussion

I know some people don't mind letting their kid cry, but I have a really hard time with it. I think it's just the way I'm wired. When I hear Auggie crying at night in the dark I can't help but remember all the issues I had with being alone in the dark as a kid.

I hated bedtime. I hated being alone, I hated being in the dark, and I was generally a fearful kid at night. I remember spending long hours (or at least what felt like long hours) awake at night in bed wondering if there were robbers in the house (the sound of the creaking humidifier at the top of the stairs), or any other number of possible situations. My parents did a lot to reassure me, but it took a while for me to get over it all. (And yes, I am over it all and no longer afraid of the dark or being alone in the dark. :)

I know Auggie doesn't even know what robbers are at this point, but I want him to feel as safe as possible at all times. I also feel like coming when called is a trust issue–that your kid can depend on you as a parent, especially at vulnerable times like nighttime.

An alternative perspective, held my another prominent member of the household, is that letting Auggie cry it out is good him. It will let him mature and learn how to figure out situations on his own. He needs to cope by himself. In theory it sounds alright I guess, but in practice it's painful and I feel like it betrays trust.. But that's all opinion... Anyone read anything scientific about teaching your kid to sleep or letting them cry it out? (Beyond the self-help parenting books.. ;)

The Problems

• Auggie not going to sleep easily (Is it really too much to ask for? He's 15 months old!)
  
• My involvement in the middle of the night. Yes I think it is my duty as a parent for the parenting to not stop at bedtime but to continue all night long. I ascribe to the Dr. Sear's perspective of 'nighttime parenting'. And yet at the same time I think I will be a better parent during the day when I get a decent night's sleep.

Possible Causes

• Teething - Auggie's teething has intensely stepped up. He's drooling constantly again, has the telltale diaper rash, and the loose stools.
• Separation anxiety - How do you even know? He is clingy at night
• Something else like stomach pain, hunger, quietness, darkness, thirsty, wet diaper...???
  

Goals

• Auggie learns how to resettle himself at night and fall asleep again by himself
  
• No nursing required (but the association is an extremely strong one to break, and will require crying and I honestly don't feel up to the headache involved.. Ugggh.)
  

Possible Solutions

• He falls asleep really well to his music-playing sea horse for naps. In fact he turns it on when he wakes mid-nap and it helps him fall asleep again. He even turns it on as he wakes up. The only problem is that it has a light in it's belly which is not conducive to nighttime use. The light really bothers Auggie when I've tried to use it at night... Perhaps find a different musical stuffed animal that he can manipulate, but doesn't have a light?
• White noise?
• Dan gets involved somehow..?
  

BTW

• Auggie slept through the night this past Sunday night - all the way till 6am. It was the first time he did it since he was 4 months old. I know it's possible....... But how?!?!?!?!?!!!

Any and all suggestions are appreciated!

(A note to all my contemporary parents who may be reading this: This isn't a judgment thing with parents who don't mind the crying, this is simply why I mind the crying and trying to figure out how to deal with it.)